Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You are the jesus of drinking
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
