I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
