The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Buhtt sex?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
