My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
