I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
