I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
