I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
