My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Yo dont text me then not text me
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
