I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
