Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
