your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You are the jesus of drinking
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
