My first STD was from a foam party
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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