Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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