dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
