he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
