I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
