worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
