i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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