do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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