He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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