my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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