Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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