Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
