I wanna bring you to show and tell
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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