Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
