How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
