the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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