Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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