She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
