you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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