It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
