This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
