i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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