So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
