I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
