..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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