he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
