I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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