She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
