Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
