Three words: puerto rican gang bang
one might say we're banned from that church
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
