Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
