i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
