Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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