i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
