I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
