you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
