I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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