So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
