I just saw a hot homeless man
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
