You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
