watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
